Sudoku by Esther

I can't remember how far back this was, neither what the occasion was. I don't remember what day it was, what the weather was like, and I don't even remember why I'm writing this.

What I do remember is that I was sitting in Esther's room in Price George Park, with a sudoku book in front of me.

She was distracting me with one of the puzzles while she was changing. I don't remember where we were supposed to go, only that we weren't in a hurry.

When she finally leaned over my shoulder and peeked at my progress, she gave a little giggle.

She points to the row of numbers next to each blank box on the puzzle, and asks, "What's all this?"

I reply confidently with mild annoyance, "These are the possible numbers that could be in each box. I'm gg to narrow down each box down to a few possibilities, and use probability for each box to see which number has the highest probability of being in the box."

She gives me blank stare. And this is uni student who specializes in mathematics.

"You crazy la," she snaps at me, "That will take forever."

"But every time I try to solve the puzzle," I protest, "I hit a point where I have to guess a number."

She shakes her head and wags her finger at me like a every tuition teacher I've ever known.

"Then you are doing it wrong," she laments in chinese, as she takes the pencil from my hand.

"There is no guessing in sudoku. Everything is certain. It is all there, you just don't see it."

"See what?" I snap.

"This." she proclaims, as she marks a '7' in one of the boxes.

"And because that's a '7', that means this is '5'. And this row is done, which leads to a '4'... and then..."

A few minutes later, she has completed my puzzle. And without making a single guess.

"Impossible," I mutter.

She flashes me a victorious grin and hands me back the pencil.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute," I pull her back, "Do another one, and walk me through it this time."

"Hmm ok, let's start with an EASY one," and she flips to the front of the book. I see bear cartoons and flowers printed - and I feel like a moron.

"Ok, I know that this is a '4'."

"Correct," she says.

"And that means.... this is a '3'."

"Yes."

"And and that over there is definitely a '1', because that's the last one in the box right?"

"Go on."

"And then... and then..."

Yeap, I was STUCK already. She senses it, once again, like a model school teacher. She gently lifts the pencil out of my fingers. From the side, I can see her eyes narrowing through her glasses. She lifts the end of the pencil to her mouth and taps it on her lips, which she always does when she is concentrating.

I can't resist, and I lift my head a little and give her a kiss on the cheek.

As expected she's surprised. But still half-concentrating on the puzzle, she hurriedly scribbles down a '4' in the top right hand corner box and raps me on the head with the pencil.

"LEARN hor," she states flatly with mild embarrassment showing on her face.

"I am, I am..."

She scribbles down a '2', then a '1', and the another '2'. Pause. Then a '5', then a '7', then an '8' and a '4'...

And then she stops.

"What? What's wrong?"

She doesnt say anything, until I examine the puzzle. And there is no denying it, she made a mistake and is now lost. She drops the pencil with fluster and looks for an eraser.

"Where'd we go wrong?"

"Wait wait, I'll check."

We erase number after number, backtracking the wrong steps, until finally, we arrive at the culprit - it's the '4' at the top right hand corner.

She drops her head and sighs in defeat, her hair falling onto my shoulder. I choke back a giggle, and she raps me on the head with the pencil again.

"You wanna try again?"

"No," she replies, irritated, "Too distracted already."

"Then let's go then."

She picks up her keys and heads for the door with me right behind her.

I flash a glance back at the open sudoku book on her desk, with the pencil still rolling slowly over the top page.

* * * * *

Fast forward to today.

As I finish the last number on my latest sudoku puzzle, the vehicle comes to a screeching stop. As usual, the driver almost missed my stop.

I close the puzzle on my phone and slide it smoothly into my pocket, and as I do so, I'm reminded again...

"Everything is certain. It is all there, you just don't see it."

Yeah right, and I'm still looking.

this week's receipe...

For those who are interested.

This is THIS week's workout plan.

MONDAY:

Cable Crossovers 10kg per side - 8 sets of 8

Bench Press to Neck 25kg - 8 sets of 8

Incline Dumbbell Press 12kg per side - 8 sets of 8

Wide V-grip Dips - 8 sets of 8

Sternum Chinup - 8 sets of 8(or failure)

Heavy T-Bar Row 25kg - 8 sets of 8

Low Cable Row 20kg - 8 sets of 8

Med. Grip Lat Pull to Chest 25kg - 8 sets of 8

Roman Chair Crunches - 100 reps total

High Rope Crunch 35kg - 8sets of 8

Weighted Back Ext. 5kg - 8 sets of 8

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TUESDAY:

10min 6degree incline threadmill

Drag Curl 15kg - 8 sets of 8

Preacher Curl 8kg - 8 sets of 8

45degree Incline Dumbbell Curl - 8 sets of 8

4 sets of HIIT sprinting/cycling

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WEDNESDAY:

Dumbbell Lateral Raise 8 kg - 8 sets of 8

Wide Grip Upright Row 20kg - 8 sets of 8

Front to back barbell press 15kg - 8sets of 8

Dumbbell Rear Delt Lateral 7kg - 8 sets of 8

Kneeling Rope Extension 15kg - 8 sets of 8

Skullcrusher Barbell Extension 10kg - 8 sets of 8

Dumbbell Tricep Kickback 6kg - 8 sets of 8

Double Crunch on bench - 8 sets of 8

Weight Crunch 6kg - 8 sets of 8

Lying Bent Knee Raise - 8 sets of 8

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THURSDAY:

Chest Plyo - Side to side hopping pushup - 8 sets of 8

Chest Plyo - Wide to narrow hopping pushup - 8 sets of 8

Chest Plyo - Low to high hoppinh pushup - 8 sets of 8

Back Plyo - Side to side Lat Pulldown - 8 sets of 8

Back Plyo - Alternating Bent over Row - 8 sets of 8

Back Plyo - Alternating Canoe Row - 8 sets of 8

16 sets of HIIT Sprinting/cycling

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FRIDAY:

Fullbody circuit - do entire circuit 3 times, no rest between sets, 1 min rest after 1 circuit

Burpee Pushup into Pullup - 10x

Alternating Lunges - 20x

Vertical Jumps - 10x

Bench Dips - 10x

Side-to-side jump over bench - 10x

Diamond Pushups - 10x

Hanging Leg Raise - 10x

Alternating Knee Crunch - 10x

Crossover Running Plank - 10x

Hanging Side Leg Raise - 10x

5 min rest

Ab Circuit - do entire circuit 3 times, no rest between sets, 1 min rest between circuits

Arm-Leg Raise with exercise ball - 10x

Alternating Leg-Arm Raise - 20x

Running Plank - 10x

Weighted Sitting Torso Twist - 20x

Leg Kick to Palms - 20x

Lying down Alternating Toe Toucher - 20x

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SATURDAY & SUNDAY:

TENNIS.

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Repeat next week.

a lesson of pain

Saturday's tennis wasnt my best. Slightly lethargic, shoulder aching and my mind still echoing from that morning's briefing in the office, I wasnt playing well in the least bit.

Yj and I called it day at around 6pm, i think. Even he was worried about my shoulder.

I decided a doctor's concern should be heeded after all, even as the numerous nerve endings sparking off in my rotator cuff were beginning to mess with my head. I slogged off to the shower and made my way home.

The bus ride was even more silent than usual. Typically, after tennis, it's alive with aunties, school kids and the rasping of someone's iPod turned up to a volume that would shatter the chambers of a nautilus.

I didnt bring my earphones that day, so I just leaned my head against the glass of the 151, letting it bounce lightly off it as it sped down Bukit Timah road, which to me, is probably the worse road to travel down when you're feeling down.

Too many memories. Bittersweet ones, some just plain silly, and some sullen serious.

As the bus makes the turn at Bukit Timah plaza, I catch sight of King Albert Park - the place my family used to go for breakfast back in the early primary school days.

The bus rumbles past Hua Chong, and I distinctly remember someone, one of my old friends, having a room there. Once. A long time back.

Then past coronation and serene centre, the place where I blew countless hours chasing counterterrorists or hunting terrorists on old dusty computer monitors. And one early morning, when, with empty tin cans in our bags, we camped at the old MacDonalds downstairs. And where I won my first Magic the Gathering card game match, against a shortie with a useless Green Deck.

The bus lurches into a long turn, and I remember the bus stop. The one just in between SJI and SCGS. And I watch as 960 bus nostalgically passes.

The glow from SJI's church can still be seen, or at least, maybe I think i can still see it. Maybe it's just a picture in my head, but I can still see it - clear as day. And I cant help but choke back a smirk as I remember the days of white uniforms, green ties and spontaneous cheering.

And as I board my next bus, and I make the trip into the present, I feel like I've left most of my life behind there. There, on that bus ride along Bukit Timah road.

And that my journey forward is empty and hollow.

That I've gone from being a feeling, fruitful and boisterous kid, without a care in the world, to me now, as if I've lost part of my ability to feel. And that my life is numb.

Im still thinking that as I leave the bus and head up the slope towards Ava Towers.

I must've made that same jump a million times.

Today, I missed it.

Taking the usual leap over the concrete slope embankment, I miss a step, my toe gets caught one on edge. My shins are torn open by the concrete edge, and I land on my knees and palms right there, with the full weight of my tennis bag coming to a dull thud on my shoulders.

At first there is no pain, but a fleeting second later, it comes rushing through. The nerve endings spark, and i forgot about my shoulder. I let out a huge cry of "FUCK!" and roll onto my backside, still sitting on the floor. My shins are on fire, and my hands are sore stumps with fingers. Every part of me hurts.

My mind is screaming questions. "Will I be able to walk back to my place? Will I be able to play tennis after this? Should I take an MC for work on Monday? Damn, I can't i have a meeting that I can't miss. Should I skip out on the fang shen tomorrow sunday? Nah, I've put that off once too long. Should I see a doctor?"

And I feel alive again. In the most amusing of ways. In the most amusing of ways, that fall, that scuffle, scrape and bruising, along with that immense jolt of pain, reminded me that I am NOT a doll, that I DO have a life, a FEELING life, and a life ahead.

Stumbling to my feet, as I've done all my life, I soldier on. Forward.