half empty, half full

Now every Sunday, after work, I pack my bags and scoot on over to the company gym, hang around there until my legs start to buckle and then I head back home, to a sumptuous dinner (prepared by me, so of course it's sumptuous). Basically, I like to earn my calories.

Now tonight, it was a little different - maybe a little too much Red Bull.

And despite the aches and light-headed ringing in my skull, I donned my running shoes and took to the road - something I havent done for quite a while.

I make a left at the main street, stick tight to the pavement, and instead of heading towards the Thomson Medical, where I was born, I make cryptic left turn.

I say cryptic, because it takes me up a gentle slope, one that keeps winding upwards steeply, towards the place known as Tan Tock Seng Hospital. And I while fighting for breath and energy, and desperately trying to put one foot in front of the other, it suddenly hits me WHY this is cryptic in the first place - I was born in Thomson Medical, and it is likely *this* is where I will die - in a hospital.

I mean, this is where people die, seriously. Not that death isnt always serious, but it just seemed utterly surreal. And it seemed pathetic that just a few moments ago, I was fighting for breath, struggling to make it up this slope, and i thought to myself, "Man, this is KILLING me. I am DYING here."

It made me feel small. Really small. And insignificant.

But like all slopes, that road behind Tan Tock Seng comes to a peak and the slope moves away from me now, leading towards a junction in Moulmein.

And as I hit that downward slope, I pick up speed with the night breeze in my hair and the cold air in my shirt - and then I think perhaps I'm looking at it wrong.

This isn't where people go to die. This is where people go to live.

a study of music

This is gonna a boring post.

There are pieces of music, that when heard, inspire some kind of action, or stir emotion, in you. No doubts there. While empowering, the truth is that they tend to follow certain patterns. It's not plagiarism, nor a copy of styles, and of course, this is a generalization, but it has been studied.

The simplest and most common is the rising crescendo type of music. It is typically associated with epic battles, or some clash of the titans kind of struggle. The first and most common one that sticks in my head is the track called Escape by Craig Armstrong.

The notes go from low, and they rise, the pitch begins to grow, until the it is at an all time high, and you can feel the fever pitch coming - example HERE. The rising crescendo is the most common type of EPIC music. Another common track example the rising crescendo is the Adagio in D Minor by John Murphy, soundtrack to the movie Sunshine.

The opposite of the rising crescendo is the falling dimineundo, or decrescendo. The music follows a V shape, a moderately high tune falling to a low tone, and then rising slightly, and then depending on the mood, may keep rising, or start to fall again. The objective is to provoke the opposite of the crescendo, which is to reflect, think back, reminisce... Example of a decrescendo that keeps rising is the soundtrack to Kick Ass, the track titled Armenian Superhero, the opening of the movie. Example of a decrescendo that falls instead, is the track called Standing Ovation, from the movie Hancock.

While the first 2 themes follow distinct wave patterns, the Crescendo being A-shaped, and the Decrescendo is V-shaped, these 2 themes are typically used for EVENTS. But not all soundtracks follow singular events. Some follow LINEAR paths - in movie terms, it is usually a journey, a serious revelationary actions in a due course. Whatever. Basically, it's in a SINE wave, ups and downs rhythmically spaced out to show a journey, a progression, movement in general. Best example I can think of would be from The Village, the track called The Gravel Road, as Ivy hurries to find medicine for an injured Lucius.

While this track is mostly calm and thought-provoking, this sine wave of peaks and valleys can also be used in fast-paced themes, take Death and Transfiguration, from the Hancock soundtrack once again - start from the 1:40 part onwards.

Anyways, there it is, a quick study of movie music, and what its trying to make us do.

popcorn 2

Last week, I was seized by an immense desire to watch a movie. I ended up watching Forrest Gump, a true cinematic masterpiece that is both thought-provoking as it is abstract.

And this got me thinking - what movies did I watch LAST YEAR?? In fact, what GOOD movies did I watch in 2010, if any??

Thankfully, I have a bad habit of keeping movie ticket stubs.

So, again, what good memorable movies did I watch in 2010?? Well, here goes...


LEGION


I sat down on my couch one fine day and picked up a DVD that my dad had just bought. Turns out it was THIS movie.

Big mistake.

Religious zombies and angels. And Dennis Quaid. What the fuck??


THE SHINJUKU INCIDENT


Pretty remarkable movie. It was one of the first that I've watched that Jackie Chan didnt flatten an entire army of pple with his skills.

All I can remember is that it was SUPREMELY depressing, this movie. And I will never EVER eat roasted chestnuts again. Why? (Hint: They cut off a man's hand with a giant roasted chestnuts spatula. Geee-ross!)


SHUTTER ISLAND


Ah, trust good ol Leonardo to come and save the day. All this while running around an island filled with creepy crazy ppl.

The CREEPIEST scene of the year came from this movie - the scene when Leo is walking into the asylum, and there's this partially balding lady with the blackest eye I've ever seen who turns and looks at him, then silent raises her finger to her lips in a 'shuuush' motion. That totally freaked me out.


KICK-ASS


I totally boycotted this movie at first. Then the rumors began running around. Whispers were heard. Whispers echoing... that... it... was... awesome??

By the way, this movie had in my opinion, the BEST opening scene of all 2010. If it doesnt stir something in you, then you have not had a childhood.


THE A-TEAM


LoL... this movie was hardcore action, setup-for-action, more action... Nothing in it in terms of storyline. The story looks like it was picked up at the reject shop, but BOY, was it fun to watch.


INCEPTION


Once again, Leo set the standard. I watched it in the cinema. I watched it at home. I watched it on my com. I keep watching it til today. I even watch it in my dreams, within a dream.


THE KING'S SPEECH


Once I heard about Yogi Bear and Tron Legacy, I thought to myself, "It is the end of the goddamn world."

There was absolutely NOTHING intelligent to watch. It was either that retarded hat-wearing bear running around a jungle stealing honey, or actors wearing spandex with LEDs attached to them. WTF man?

It was, ironically, thanks to dad, when he came back with some DVDs and one of them, was this movie - The King's Speech. I'd been very much used to Geoffery Rush as Captain Hector Barbosa for quite some time, so it was refreshing to see him in a tidy royal outfit, giving speech lessons to the s-s-s-stuttering king of england.

A marvelous movie. A beautiful savior to the year.

I need more time

I'm writing this after coming off a long marathon of Craig Ferguson + Sid youtube vids that I have no doubt left me speaking, writing and even THINKING in his addictive accent. So before you proceed onto further paragraphs, let me just say that this is best read in Ferguson voice, i think. Oh shut it, im making it as I go along.

I need more time. Yes, I mean, it's true, alright? I walk into the office 30min before I'm PAID to be there, I make a list of 300 things that need to be done and I slave away, task after task, feeling like a master sweat shop boy for Nike, and then i think I tick off ONE item on the list. DONE! 

And then the bell rings at 6pm and I have to go home, and tomorrow there's bound to be another 300 or more odd things that need to be done.

I mean, what the heck, rite?

I realize that.. 24 hrs just isnt enough anymore. Someone should rewrite the clocks or something, give us 40hr days or something. I mean, I only did ONE thing at work today, and then the day's over. I need a longer day - not that i'd spend more of it in the office anyway... but I do.

The full realization of it came today, while, I was sitting in a cab, taking a cab from Marina Bay Sands over to the warehouse at Penjuru (it's where I keep all the dead bodies). ANYWAY, Im on my way to Penjuru, when at a zebra crossing, the cab lurches to a stop and a school girl crosses.

She doesnt cross like she's walking or something. No, I mean, iPod earphones plugged in, tweetering on her smartphone, talking to her friend, and she was also doing her homework with her other 20 arms or so. The point is... she was walking DEAD BLOODY SLOW.

And I was seriously considering, leaning over to the driver's seat, putting the car in gear and turning her into roadkill, i mean literally turning her into mince-meat.

And then i stopped. I stopped and I realized that *I* was like that when I was a kid, except I had no iphones, or ipods, heck even my damn EYES didnt really work right.

I thought I had all the time in the world back then, and I now, now I don't.

And then it hits me, after seeing this poor girl slowly, slowly, AGONIZINGLY slowly crosses that piece of pavement - this is APPLE's FAULT.

Sudoku by Esther

I can't remember how far back this was, neither what the occasion was. I don't remember what day it was, what the weather was like, and I don't even remember why I'm writing this.

What I do remember is that I was sitting in Esther's room in Price George Park, with a sudoku book in front of me.

She was distracting me with one of the puzzles while she was changing. I don't remember where we were supposed to go, only that we weren't in a hurry.

When she finally leaned over my shoulder and peeked at my progress, she gave a little giggle.

She points to the row of numbers next to each blank box on the puzzle, and asks, "What's all this?"

I reply confidently with mild annoyance, "These are the possible numbers that could be in each box. I'm gg to narrow down each box down to a few possibilities, and use probability for each box to see which number has the highest probability of being in the box."

She gives me blank stare. And this is uni student who specializes in mathematics.

"You crazy la," she snaps at me, "That will take forever."

"But every time I try to solve the puzzle," I protest, "I hit a point where I have to guess a number."

She shakes her head and wags her finger at me like a every tuition teacher I've ever known.

"Then you are doing it wrong," she laments in chinese, as she takes the pencil from my hand.

"There is no guessing in sudoku. Everything is certain. It is all there, you just don't see it."

"See what?" I snap.

"This." she proclaims, as she marks a '7' in one of the boxes.

"And because that's a '7', that means this is '5'. And this row is done, which leads to a '4'... and then..."

A few minutes later, she has completed my puzzle. And without making a single guess.

"Impossible," I mutter.

She flashes me a victorious grin and hands me back the pencil.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute," I pull her back, "Do another one, and walk me through it this time."

"Hmm ok, let's start with an EASY one," and she flips to the front of the book. I see bear cartoons and flowers printed - and I feel like a moron.

"Ok, I know that this is a '4'."

"Correct," she says.

"And that means.... this is a '3'."

"Yes."

"And and that over there is definitely a '1', because that's the last one in the box right?"

"Go on."

"And then... and then..."

Yeap, I was STUCK already. She senses it, once again, like a model school teacher. She gently lifts the pencil out of my fingers. From the side, I can see her eyes narrowing through her glasses. She lifts the end of the pencil to her mouth and taps it on her lips, which she always does when she is concentrating.

I can't resist, and I lift my head a little and give her a kiss on the cheek.

As expected she's surprised. But still half-concentrating on the puzzle, she hurriedly scribbles down a '4' in the top right hand corner box and raps me on the head with the pencil.

"LEARN hor," she states flatly with mild embarrassment showing on her face.

"I am, I am..."

She scribbles down a '2', then a '1', and the another '2'. Pause. Then a '5', then a '7', then an '8' and a '4'...

And then she stops.

"What? What's wrong?"

She doesnt say anything, until I examine the puzzle. And there is no denying it, she made a mistake and is now lost. She drops the pencil with fluster and looks for an eraser.

"Where'd we go wrong?"

"Wait wait, I'll check."

We erase number after number, backtracking the wrong steps, until finally, we arrive at the culprit - it's the '4' at the top right hand corner.

She drops her head and sighs in defeat, her hair falling onto my shoulder. I choke back a giggle, and she raps me on the head with the pencil again.

"You wanna try again?"

"No," she replies, irritated, "Too distracted already."

"Then let's go then."

She picks up her keys and heads for the door with me right behind her.

I flash a glance back at the open sudoku book on her desk, with the pencil still rolling slowly over the top page.

* * * * *

Fast forward to today.

As I finish the last number on my latest sudoku puzzle, the vehicle comes to a screeching stop. As usual, the driver almost missed my stop.

I close the puzzle on my phone and slide it smoothly into my pocket, and as I do so, I'm reminded again...

"Everything is certain. It is all there, you just don't see it."

Yeah right, and I'm still looking.

this week's receipe...

For those who are interested.

This is THIS week's workout plan.

MONDAY:

Cable Crossovers 10kg per side - 8 sets of 8

Bench Press to Neck 25kg - 8 sets of 8

Incline Dumbbell Press 12kg per side - 8 sets of 8

Wide V-grip Dips - 8 sets of 8

Sternum Chinup - 8 sets of 8(or failure)

Heavy T-Bar Row 25kg - 8 sets of 8

Low Cable Row 20kg - 8 sets of 8

Med. Grip Lat Pull to Chest 25kg - 8 sets of 8

Roman Chair Crunches - 100 reps total

High Rope Crunch 35kg - 8sets of 8

Weighted Back Ext. 5kg - 8 sets of 8

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TUESDAY:

10min 6degree incline threadmill

Drag Curl 15kg - 8 sets of 8

Preacher Curl 8kg - 8 sets of 8

45degree Incline Dumbbell Curl - 8 sets of 8

4 sets of HIIT sprinting/cycling

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WEDNESDAY:

Dumbbell Lateral Raise 8 kg - 8 sets of 8

Wide Grip Upright Row 20kg - 8 sets of 8

Front to back barbell press 15kg - 8sets of 8

Dumbbell Rear Delt Lateral 7kg - 8 sets of 8

Kneeling Rope Extension 15kg - 8 sets of 8

Skullcrusher Barbell Extension 10kg - 8 sets of 8

Dumbbell Tricep Kickback 6kg - 8 sets of 8

Double Crunch on bench - 8 sets of 8

Weight Crunch 6kg - 8 sets of 8

Lying Bent Knee Raise - 8 sets of 8

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THURSDAY:

Chest Plyo - Side to side hopping pushup - 8 sets of 8

Chest Plyo - Wide to narrow hopping pushup - 8 sets of 8

Chest Plyo - Low to high hoppinh pushup - 8 sets of 8

Back Plyo - Side to side Lat Pulldown - 8 sets of 8

Back Plyo - Alternating Bent over Row - 8 sets of 8

Back Plyo - Alternating Canoe Row - 8 sets of 8

16 sets of HIIT Sprinting/cycling

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FRIDAY:

Fullbody circuit - do entire circuit 3 times, no rest between sets, 1 min rest after 1 circuit

Burpee Pushup into Pullup - 10x

Alternating Lunges - 20x

Vertical Jumps - 10x

Bench Dips - 10x

Side-to-side jump over bench - 10x

Diamond Pushups - 10x

Hanging Leg Raise - 10x

Alternating Knee Crunch - 10x

Crossover Running Plank - 10x

Hanging Side Leg Raise - 10x

5 min rest

Ab Circuit - do entire circuit 3 times, no rest between sets, 1 min rest between circuits

Arm-Leg Raise with exercise ball - 10x

Alternating Leg-Arm Raise - 20x

Running Plank - 10x

Weighted Sitting Torso Twist - 20x

Leg Kick to Palms - 20x

Lying down Alternating Toe Toucher - 20x

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SATURDAY & SUNDAY:

TENNIS.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Repeat next week.

a lesson of pain

Saturday's tennis wasnt my best. Slightly lethargic, shoulder aching and my mind still echoing from that morning's briefing in the office, I wasnt playing well in the least bit.

Yj and I called it day at around 6pm, i think. Even he was worried about my shoulder.

I decided a doctor's concern should be heeded after all, even as the numerous nerve endings sparking off in my rotator cuff were beginning to mess with my head. I slogged off to the shower and made my way home.

The bus ride was even more silent than usual. Typically, after tennis, it's alive with aunties, school kids and the rasping of someone's iPod turned up to a volume that would shatter the chambers of a nautilus.

I didnt bring my earphones that day, so I just leaned my head against the glass of the 151, letting it bounce lightly off it as it sped down Bukit Timah road, which to me, is probably the worse road to travel down when you're feeling down.

Too many memories. Bittersweet ones, some just plain silly, and some sullen serious.

As the bus makes the turn at Bukit Timah plaza, I catch sight of King Albert Park - the place my family used to go for breakfast back in the early primary school days.

The bus rumbles past Hua Chong, and I distinctly remember someone, one of my old friends, having a room there. Once. A long time back.

Then past coronation and serene centre, the place where I blew countless hours chasing counterterrorists or hunting terrorists on old dusty computer monitors. And one early morning, when, with empty tin cans in our bags, we camped at the old MacDonalds downstairs. And where I won my first Magic the Gathering card game match, against a shortie with a useless Green Deck.

The bus lurches into a long turn, and I remember the bus stop. The one just in between SJI and SCGS. And I watch as 960 bus nostalgically passes.

The glow from SJI's church can still be seen, or at least, maybe I think i can still see it. Maybe it's just a picture in my head, but I can still see it - clear as day. And I cant help but choke back a smirk as I remember the days of white uniforms, green ties and spontaneous cheering.

And as I board my next bus, and I make the trip into the present, I feel like I've left most of my life behind there. There, on that bus ride along Bukit Timah road.

And that my journey forward is empty and hollow.

That I've gone from being a feeling, fruitful and boisterous kid, without a care in the world, to me now, as if I've lost part of my ability to feel. And that my life is numb.

Im still thinking that as I leave the bus and head up the slope towards Ava Towers.

I must've made that same jump a million times.

Today, I missed it.

Taking the usual leap over the concrete slope embankment, I miss a step, my toe gets caught one on edge. My shins are torn open by the concrete edge, and I land on my knees and palms right there, with the full weight of my tennis bag coming to a dull thud on my shoulders.

At first there is no pain, but a fleeting second later, it comes rushing through. The nerve endings spark, and i forgot about my shoulder. I let out a huge cry of "FUCK!" and roll onto my backside, still sitting on the floor. My shins are on fire, and my hands are sore stumps with fingers. Every part of me hurts.

My mind is screaming questions. "Will I be able to walk back to my place? Will I be able to play tennis after this? Should I take an MC for work on Monday? Damn, I can't i have a meeting that I can't miss. Should I skip out on the fang shen tomorrow sunday? Nah, I've put that off once too long. Should I see a doctor?"

And I feel alive again. In the most amusing of ways. In the most amusing of ways, that fall, that scuffle, scrape and bruising, along with that immense jolt of pain, reminded me that I am NOT a doll, that I DO have a life, a FEELING life, and a life ahead.

Stumbling to my feet, as I've done all my life, I soldier on. Forward.