it was a long monday, ok?

So im coming back from work and i walk in thru the door, only to trip over a pair of shoes. Instantly, i realize that opportunity that i have literally stumbled upon.

It's a pair of leather shoes. Not mine. I wear Barricades, not some pussy-skin-pockets. Size 10. Too big for jasper. And suddenly i remember seeing them. They belong to that guy that hawt cousin brought over a few weeks ago.

And the place is DEATHLY SILENT. No sound can be heard. No movement. Nothing. Silent. (oops did i just hear sheets moving?)

This can only mean one thing.

IT'S PRANK TIME! ! ! !!!!!11111!!11!!!

So in the spirit of all good things and for the honor of those who arent getting some tonight, or are too shagged frm work to think of something, i present to you...


CHRIS' GUIDE ON HOW TO RUDELY INTERRUPT YOUR NEIGHBOUR WHEN YOU KNOW THEY ARE MAKING OUT


1) MUSIC

Music is always the best thing to use. Just plug it in and crank it up. Imagine, you're about to get it on with ur special one when suddenly... ... ... "SCOTTY DOESNT KNOW THAT FIONA AND ME DO IT IN MY VAN EVERY SUNDAY!!"

Or something holy like with the words Jesus or whatever in it. WORKS ESPECIALLY WELL IF SHE'S A CATHOLIC. Hahaha.


2) EMERGENCY

Put your toast in the toaster TWICE and put the toaster near the door. Then yell, "HOLY SHIT! FIRE~!!!!!!!!!"

Or you could pour some water under the door, though this may take a while for them to notice.


3) FRIENDLY AMBUSH

This one requires your personal entrance. Basically, dress up in a cook's attire and just BURST IN THROUGH THE DOOR, yelling, "Hey, I made WAFFLES! Who wants some WAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAFFFFLES, whoohooo!!!"


4) THE NOTHING-TO-WORRY-ABOUT SITUATION

Drop something. Like a pot, or a pan, or a chair, and say, "It's ok, im fine, dont worry."

Then drop it again.

Then say, "Oh wow, it's still alive?"


5) SOUND EFFECTS FROM GOD-KNOWS-WHAT

Buy some celery.

Hold celery in hands.

Now pretend to fall, make a thud as you do so.

As you hit the floor, break celery in two.

Then say, "Ow ow ow ow ow... im fine im fine."

Fall again. Break Celery one more time.

Now say the magic words, "OMFG IS IT SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY!!?!?!??!?????"


6) THE REAL ASSHOLE

Pretend you're talking on the phone with your buddy.

Whisper this loudly into the phone, "Yeah dude, im serious. The guy's saying and doing the lamest shit in there. Listen Listen~~!!"


7) BAD MOOD BASTARD

Storm in through the front door, banging the gate as you enter, locking it noisily. Curse under your breath.

Then, kick the guys' shoes and scream, "WHO DA FUCK PUT THEIR MOTHERFUCKING SHOES IN MY WAY!!"

Throw said shoes out the window.