"Your Report is WRONG" (a cover of "Your Love is a Song" by Switchfoot)

Note: Original song is here.

I hear my BB ring

Another day begins

The mail is 3 days late

You made the bosses wait, bosses wait...

I've been keeping my Inbox open

I've been keeping my Inbox open

Oh you always CC to me

F.Y.I. to me, F.Y.N.A. me

Oh you always CC to me

F.Y.I. to me, F.Y.N.A. me

Plus your report is WRONG...

Your font is bloody small

I can't read it at all

You left the data out

I feel like blacking out, blacking out

And I've been leaving my Inbox open

I've been leaving my Inbox open

Oh you always CC to me

F.Y.I. to me, F.Y.N.A. me

Why you always CC to me

F.Y.I. to me, F.Y.N.A. me??

Oh your report is WRONG

Your data is WRONG

Oh your header is WRONG

Your footer is WRONG

With my eyes wide open,

I got to bear this burden

You've made all my hopes broken

Yeah, Yeah

Oh you always CC to me

F.Y.I. to me, F.Y.N.A. me

Why you always CC to me

F.Y.I. to me, F.Y.N.A. me??

i am angry

I am angry. Come to think of it, I've always been angry.

The earliest memory of me being angry was back in the old house in Pelangi, where I would play badminton with my neighbour, Jeffery. Now Jeffery was about 2 years older than me, and when you're that young, 2 years is a lifetime of experience. But for some reason, it never got into my head that this guy was older than me, taller than me, fitter than me, had played this sport before, blah blah blah.

All i can remember was that he beat me every single time. We never even had to keep score. It was that certain. And i remember raging like mad. I swung at the plants, I swung at the insects, I stuck the badminton racquet into the dirt, I tore the feathers out of the shuttles, I raged. Oh yes I did.

But rage is never a good way to make friends, or keep them. It's also never a good thing if your parents can beat the stuffing out of you if you rage too much and break stuff. I was passive throughout primary school. Again, it never got into my head that I wouldn't run as fast as some, wouldn't be able to work the monkey bars like a... monkey, and that I would always get laughed at whenever I read out chinese in class.

And I raged, in silence. Or I used the rage to make warheads out of staples. Or I masked the rage by crying. It was the in-thing.

I decided I would suppress the rage in secondary school. This was a new leaf. A fresh slate. And I would try, to the best of my ability, to be a model of peace.

"Peace? I hate the word." -Tybalt

Of course it didnt last very long. And the secret wrestling matches that took place at Tanglin CC, which left many of us with bruises and bloody lips were an outlet.

By the time I hit JC, i was raging through music - and i have to thank Eminem and Ateet for that. If not for that stuff, I'd probably have killed someone, or numerous little animals in rage.

Then uni, and this time, I'd just plain given up. I let the rage consume me, and I BECAME rage. And the rage, tempered with the civility of "maturity" equaled SARCASM, which is a WONDROUS thing.

And i sarcasm-ed my way through uni, numerous essays and presentations. But even then, tempered sarcasm is still not as liberating as PURE white-hot rage.

Pure rage doesnt mean vengeance, it doesnt require a target, an objective, or a source. It is just an explosion of energy, mental and physical, that is chaotic, natural and spontaneous.

I found it in sport. I found it in the gym. And i thank those who introduced them to me.

Even now, 15min into a tennis warmup, I might send a backhand out of the court and just let out an animalistic scream. Oh, that shit is liberating. And addictive.

It influences the way I work. I work at a rapid pace in the morning. I storm into the office, greet and nod at my colleagues, throw my bag onto my desk and start to furiously dial numbers, hand out assignments and tabulate... stuff. By the time lunch rolls around I am spent, but I'm still ANGRY.

And I stomp into the board room, ready for the next meeting. I make it a habit to be 10min early. So that, even if im just a lowly engineer, when the directors walk in, *I* am the first one to greet them and welcome them. It is similar to how Nadal sprints to the end of the court after the coin toss.

It sends the signal, "You are entering into my domain." You take ownership of the situation.

I write down on a small piece of paper, all the points I want to make, so that I dont get blinded by rage and go on a rant. I am angry when the meeting starts, and I attack all issues aggressively, and I am angry when the meeting ends.

The directors say they like that, and I get angrier.

//End of rant.

magic tricks in the office

The project director has just pulled off the fastest disappearing act of all time. On thursday, he gives me a lift from MBS to our HQ, and while in the car, he mentions something abt "time difference".

Time difference? Your watch screwed up?

"No," he says, "Just that i'll be in USA tonight."

WAHT DA HELL???

And after he drops he off, he is OFF. I mean OFF, as in bloody disappeared, on leave until FREAKING MIDDLE OF APRIL????

And *I* have to take over his work while he's lounging in bacon, burgers and 9/11 conspiracies?? What gives?

I have no time to react. By the time I can curse, he's dropped me off, and disappeared over the horizon (ok, it was more like he got on an expressway and zoomed off).

The department directors gather around me.

There are always two of them, the hunt together, in a pair. They call them, The Ghost and the Darkness.

LOL, anyway, they started to eat me alive. Giving me assignment after assignment, deadline after deadline, until i am literally DEAD. Or wishing i was dead.

After the briefing, they turn to me, "So Chris, can you handle it?"

Sure thing, Mr Yap. Now excuse me, I've got a bottle of Dynamo to drink.

a cage

Aragorn: "You have some skill with a blade."

Eowyn: "Women of this country learned long ago - those without swords can still die upon them. I fear neither death nor pain."

Aragorn: "What do you fear, my lady?"

Eowyn: "A cage."

Eowyn: "To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them. And all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire."

What should we eat?

As i was walking out from the shower room on Sunday, I spied my younger bro, Oli, accompanying his block in a sepak takraw match. This, coupled with a talk with zs regarding sports nutrition has led me to wonder - what should certain sports players eat specifically for their sport??

For IHG, tennis, squash players and plain ol' athletes, this is what you should eat...

SOCCER

Soccer matches last for 90min. The training for a soccer match, however, lasts for HOURS. Henceforth, you should eat differently for the different sessions.

a) Vitamins

Your body needs Vitamins. As you run, kick, take headers and dive for your team, you will burn up precious vitamins that you need to sustain your energy output. All the energy drinks in the world will not work if you do not have the proper vitamins to put them to use. My suggestion - pop a multivitamin in the morning, and take another just after training or a match.

b) Creatine

Creatine occurs naturally in your body and is used in quick bursts of explosive energy. The sudden cuts and sprints of soccer make this a necessity. Needless to say, marathon runners dont need as much as sprinters. No need to buy those powders and bodybuilding formulas for this. The best source of natural creatine can be found in RED MEATS. The best source is SALMON. So those, who love salmon sashimi, indulge all you want, especially before a training session or match.

c) Protein

Protein will help combat muscle fatigue after training and will sustain muscle strength and output through rigorous running. The best sources of protein come from FISH. If it swims, eat it. Salmon, marlin, ikan bilis, makaral, crocodile, eat it. Okay, not really crocodile, but it would freak out the opposition if you say you eat crocodile. Eat more of it during your meal before your training session, you will need it. Just before a match, dont sweat it, a small packet of milk will be just enough without too much bloat.

d) Anti-oxidants

Long hours in the sun, and training produces a lot of free radicals in your body. These are harmful and contribute to lactic acid buildup in the legs. For soccer players, once you lose your legs, you're basically out of the game. This is a MUST for soccer players. Anti-oxidants can be found in most of the daily minerals you take with your multivitamins, eg. Zinc and magnesium. Some fresher sources of anti-oxidants are TOMATOES, ASPARAGUS and BROCCOLI, with broccoli being the best.

SQUASH

Squash is one of the fastest calorie burning sports in the world and is a nice neutral ground between hardhitting tennis and reaction-time dictated badminton.

a) Essential Fatty Acids (EFAs)

EFAs support healthy joints and tendons. The rapid sport of squash takes a VERY hard toll on shoulders, elbows, ankles and knees, ESPECIALLY knees. Good sources of EFAs can be found in fatty fish oils - which is most commonly seen in those white streaks you see on raw salmon. That's the stuff you want. Girls, pls note, it's also good for your skin.

b) Vitamins

Same as soccer.

c) Calcium / Protein / Carbohydrates

I put these together because there is one best source of both. MILK. Drink your bloody milk every damn morning. Milk is a SLOW burning source of protein and calcium. Squash matches can last an hour, and typically involve non-stop movement. You will burn up proteins VERY fast, faster than soccer. The milk will sustain the release of protein to your muscles over a long period of time. Carbs too, same as protein. The calcium is there to support bone structure, and complements the joint support provided by EFAs.

d) Water.

Nuff said. Especially for squash, water is ESSENTIAL. It is easy to get caught up in the adrenaline and forget to hydrate, leading to loss in concentration, milk headaches/dizziness and the loss of half a step of reaction time. Water is a must. Hydrate whenever you can.

TENNIS

Tennis combines the long distance running of soccer with the speed of squash and multiplys it by 3. Tennis matches last longer than soccer matches and squash matches, and as such, dictate a slightly heavier diet than both.

a) Vitamins

In addition to your morning pill, take another just before the match starts, with all the running and hitting, you will need the extra boost.

b) Creatine

Will the legs do the running, the arms do the hitting. While this is the same for squash, remember that squash takes place on a WOOD court that is easier on the legs and requires less energy to push off and recover. Tennis takes place on concrete, which is harder to move on. You will also expend creatine while you are hitting those stinging baseline shots. Also imagine going from a stationary position to suddenly moving your whole body just to hit a shot - that's the serve, and it's the personification of why you need your creatine. Eat a shitload of sashimi or beef before a big match.

c) Water

Of course, you are in the sun, and you are running on hot cement. You will lose water and fast. Hydrate during every change of set.

d) Protein / Carbs

Lots of carbs and protein are needed to sustain a high level of tennis. A tennis player requires more protein and carbs than a soccer player. Why? Because in addition to his legs and his core muscles, he also uses his arms. My suggestion? A simple fish pasta before a match. Pasta is loaded with long burning carbs and fish is almost pure protein. The fish also provides a good source of EFAs which will help your joint recover from the punishment of hard courts.

2010 - 2011

The year of 2010 started as do most desires – mundane.

The 2010 Australian Open started with a bang on Jan 18. And suddenly the tennis courts were flooded. The number of tennis posers were sky-high. Federer won it and Nadal went out from injury due to running so much. A sense of normalcy seemed to descend.

My PM turned to me in Jan 2010 and said, “This will be the final push to finish the project.”

By the time it was April, he realized how wrong he was. The clients who were breathing down our necks had started to spit and drool as well. The number of reworks and additional installations had us tearing our hair out at the cuticles.

MBS opened for the first time at the end of April, and the office folk took turns taking 2-day breaks. I spent mine on the tennis court.

February was uneventful – maybe almost deliberately uneventful. Being single in February means that you suddenly have to justify not being attached – and you do so by loading your timetable full, with tennis, trips to JB, groceries and you even begin to love the overtime, even when there’s no pay attached.

But for us, we brave few, we band of brothers – there is always FRIED NIGHT. It culminated on February 14^th, I think. Hashbrowns, breaded fish, potato wedges and tons of mayonnaise.

I honestly don’t remember what happened in March. It was all work work work work work tennis tennis. Nothing eventful happened. Federer lost in Indian Wells and Miami. Nadal was still apparently injured and all. Murray was all the hype.

May was the wrap-up. The shit-cleaning. All the crap from the soft-opening had left the office thoroughly drained. The breathing down our necks finally stopped. In fact, many of the people who had hounded us, had started packing their bags. It was deceiving, but in all sincerity, there was still much work to do. The hard part now was convincing ourselves to start working again. It sucked.

A brand new trio of new guys were called in – my new team – my maintenance technicians were brought in. Younger than me and with attitudes similar to sec sch kids, it was a role-reversal. Usually I was the one in the young man post, but now I was the old guy, giving them the advice and teaching them the steps. Jack, Kok Boon, Joseph and Jose, are today the guys who plough thru MBS behind the scenes, making sure EM locks don’t fall on pple’s heads.

June – ah, twas summer indeed. Runxuan and Eugene got married. It was a first real event that made me realize that, holy shit, I’m getting a tad old, aren’t I? Lots of stuff happened in June. Personal stuff too =)

And then the worst of it – I lost an uncle and aunt. Everything that I had been complaining abt up to that moment suddenly seemed like child’s play, trivial and altogether, unimportant. And it was in the most tragic of circumstances too.

I remember when dad touched down in Changi for the ceremony – we’d always made it a happy occasion, smiling and waving through the glass. From when I was old enough to wave to the present, I’ve done that. This time, I had no idea what to do.

Dad was calm and still very much the same during the long drive to Simpang Renggam. Mom was talking about it like she had read about it in the paper. For a brief moment, it seemed like something we would just shrug off. Mom and dad had always been pillars to the family – not just us, but to the rest of our relatives too. And they stayed that way all through the trip, until we arrived and even then, they were still calm. They approached the coffins silently and only there, did they clasp their hands over the mouths and faces and wept long and hard like I’d never seen them do.

And Nadal won Wimbledon again, with Federer not even making it to the semis. My life was at an all time low.

In July, the funeral was still fresh in our minds, but life had to go on. Amidst all the sorrow and depression, I’d decided that I’d had enough. There was no better time to buy a new PC. And I did so, almost with reckless abandon and an almost forced sense of joy. Zs and I scoured Sim Lim Square and we did lug back all the stuff we needed.

The objective was simple – find it, buy it and build it. And build it we did. SGD$2.6k++ of the gaming ownage. It would set in motion a gaming spree that hasn’t stopped til today. And it got Zs’s hands itching to the point that he HAD to upgrade his shit later this year.

And then, an “invasion”. Sarah moved in. To the room just beside me. It was refreshing, sharing a place with someone. Even if, you have to help her hang out the bedsheets.

And I have no idea what happened in August. Ask my new PC – it probably knows. I pillaged all of Tamriel, saved the Citadel from the reapers, did it again against the Collectors, assassinated my way from Acre to Venice, trudged through the darkest realms of F.E.A.R and waged war in graphic like never before in Crysis.

Other than that, I have no idea what else I did in August.

September was the trip to Phuket!! The trip was great. It was also a wakeup call. When you go to the beach, you make sure that you are at least in good shape. A month before, I made sure to cut no corners and went strict clean on my diet. As futile and vain as it sounds – it was an opportunity to get at least get used to the idea of a more controlled diet, with an objective in mind. When the trip was over – the routine continued, bcos I had gotten used to it. Win-win.

In October it was official. The boss called me into the office and said, “Yeap, you’re DEFINITELY the site manager for MBS.” I was like, “Fuck you, what the hell did you think I was doing???”

By November, I had attended 2 Life Liberation outings – gatherings where we’d get together and release fish/crabs/whatever, any potential seafood back into the sea. It was something like a good karma thing, which I feel is a good thing to start on, even if im a little late at doing so.

December was the slowest month ever. Pple started singing Christmas carols like it was already snowing. And then once again, tragedy – my eldest uncle passed away in bed. Not as bad as what happened in July, but still, yeah.

We buried him on Friday. Christmas was on Saturday. At least it came after and my family still had a reason to smile somewhat.

Federer won the World Tour Finals, beating Nadal almost decisively. Maybe there was a LITTLE hope out there still.

And now, even as im typing this, Sarah is preparing to move out. It seems to be an appropriate bookend to a certainly eventful year.

Here’s to 2010 – what a year.

a taste of things to come...

My cousin is getting married soon.

Apparently, this is a new trend. Cousins are getting married all over the place - it's like mayfly season in the fall of Canada. A hundred things to prepare, a thousand things to buy and tens of thousands of things that could go wrong.

One of those things to prepare is - FOOD.

A traditional chinese banquet, no less. Complete with the slaughter of sharks for sharks fin and the disembowelment of a family of crabs - tis an amazing occasion.

My cousin and her husband organize a food-tasting session - to preview the food to come on the wedding day. My parents and I are invited - you dont say no to this kind of thing.

Seated at the table, the first thing my cousins yell out (all 3 of them) is "Omg, Chris you've slimmed down again. HOW??"

I reply simply, "Stress".

Yeah right, you're thinking - but this is no lie. It's truth through and through.

My work life is hectic, unpredictable and leaves me a shell of a man, filled to the brim with frustration and boiling over with pent-up rage and emotion.

YES, it is stress.

It starts with food, again.

My daily routine of food is spread out over 6 small meals every day. I cant afford to eat 3 meals, it takes too much time, it's expensive (i work at the Sands Casino, hello?) and it makes me feel bloated later.

So here it is, for my cousins, and a certain someone who is going on a diet real soon =)

Here are the small meals at various times in the day:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7:00am - Small bowl of Oatmeal and a cup of milk.

*Go to work*

10:30am - 2 eggs and toast. Redbull optional.

130pm - Homemade sandwich (tuna, ham or some kind of meat, with tortilla/pita bread) + 2 apples

430pm - Snack time - A bun, small pau or something to munch on (peanuts?) + small carton of milk. Redbull also optional (hehe)

*GYM*

830pm - Dinner - (Vege soup with ham) / (Salmon+Rice) / (2 eggs + toast + oatmeal)

1030pm - 11pm - Bedtime snack - Muesli bar + Milk

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's the food of the day. And nope, i dont get fits of hunger at all from eating all of that - and it IS a lot, believe me.

The Workout Schedule is also simple. Simply put, I hit the gym every day. Every single day. But not everyday is a killer bustin-my-balls workout. My heavy workout days are on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays - I stay in the gym for 1.5 hrs. I know a lots of guys (and the occasional chick) in the gym and it's like one big membership club. I've clocked enough gym hrs to be considered a veteran around there.

Tuesdays and Thursdays are "rest" days. I hit the gym back at the condo for only 30-45min tops. Just to work up a sweat and head back for dinner.

Also, I plan my workouts - I dont just do whatever I feel like doing. On the advice of some of my gym pals, I put together a training regiment for Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Tuesdays and Thursdays, i'll do a toned down version of the Spartacus workout or the 300 workout. VERY toned down - nothing that will get u saying "Wow".

I also try to eat clean - which is eat whatever u want, just do away with the unnecessary stuff. If i eat, I eat it panfried - not deep fried or marinated and baked or whatever. Just simple stuff. Doesnt mean i dont kick back and wolf down a burger every week after tennis. Hehehe need a little bit home to remind me of what I love.

That's it.