this is redbullsh*t

Seated at my desk at 1030am, i am overcome by dizziness. The world begins to sway like lalang in a typhoon. Okay, i guess "sway" isnt such a good descriptor. Either way, it's not a good sign.

Eyelids are heavy. *HEAVY*...

WTF is wrong? I slept EARLIER last night too - 1130pm i was already in bed. I was totaled myself from the gym session and was a dead man walking. So i kicked in earlier - thus i should be fresh. Crisp. Sharp.

Wasnt like this a few days ago, exact same situation happened on Tuesday. I had gym on Monday, slept early and was fine the whole day. Shouldnt it be the same for today as well??

Mystery deepens.

I claw myself to the canteen, buy a drink and drag myself back to the desk. I take a long drain from the can and stare at it with disgust and utter disdain.

It kicks in, and i feel just like Tuesday morning - perfectly fine.

OH GOD NO. I AM ADDICTED TO REDBULL.

And now that i think back, i had redbull on Tuesday as well - no wonder i was fine. I need to find a way to kick this shit quickly, before i turn into some horrible minotaur...

In other news, Dad's flying off next Monday. And he didnt get his chilli crab. Remember i said that whatever dad wants, dad gets? Yeah i totally forgot about the part that mom can override whenever and however she wants.

Went to Dan Ryan's instead and the entire family made like T-Rexes and gorged ourselves on meat the whole night long. I almost had dad order the Lousiana Crab Cake to satiate his crab cravings, but crab without the shell aint crab no more, apparently.

Jasper is having his driving test soon. His THEORY driving test. And he's stressed out about it. LOL... still remember the line "In case car into accidental water canel, form a human network and out window."

Bet u guys dont remember what the fucking 12 second rule is.

rain and crabs

The first wave of consultants and interior designers have entered the casino site. And just as the name implies, most of these "interior designers" are... well... women. A breath of fresh air indeed.

After all this time, i must say, I have come to a spectacular conclusion - women in safety boots look really sexy.

Anyway, FUCK THE RAIN - rained on tennis for 2 weeks in a row now. Im suffering from withdrawal and have confined myself to my room playing Mass Effect and Fallout 3... And still, the satisfaction is merely... consolatory. I just want to go to a tennis court and serve serve serve for a few hours on. That in itself would be bliss.

Dad's flying off soon. And of course, he'd like to have some REAL crab before he does so. Our attempt to satiate that area of hunger kinda failed on Sat nite, when we headed to our usual crab restaurant, only to find that they were serving REALLY SMALL ones... disgustingly small ones. We had 5 of them, and STILL it wasnt enough.

The plan is to have dinner some time this week at Long Beach. Dad will not be stopped, and heaven help us that dad should leave home without his fill of chilli crab - every appliance would self-combust spontaneously.

And speaking of dad, all this talk of me wanting to get my own desktop has got him in a bit of, well, desktop envy. He hasnt come out and said it outright, but when u've lived in the same house long enough, u know these things.

He wants a new desktop TOO. And he wants it BEFORE i get mine.

Tenso?

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind = 3 cans of redbull at 1030pm

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Unfortunately i usually underestimate the long-term effects. The following is a warped recollection of mindless useless activity... and i call myself a sportsperson... heh.

It's Monday night. And im pissed. As usual. But this time, a little more than usual. The boss called at around 9pm. There's a meeting on Tuesday morning, 10am. And they need some paper. Paper with words and figures and some random colored bars and lines (students call them GRAPHS).

I launch into a tirade about how that's fucking impossible. But apparently, im mr superman.

And i just got back from gym, a particularly taxing session at that too. Basically, i had tortured myself to near paraplegic state that day and only survived bcos i managed to flag a taxi with my twitching tongue.

I want to sleep. But i cant. Eyes say "Sleep, sonny boy, sleep." And suddenly they weigh down like lead weights.

Fuck it.

I head down to the cheers and buy 3 cans of Redbull. No, not the Kraetingduong (is that correct?) original redbull, im talking about the BLUE and SILVER stuff. Oh yeah.

As i leave the cashier, i immediately down one can. Paraplegic state regresses. Awesome. I take another. Paraplegic state CURED!

It's a little past 9pm. Time to work. I have about 20 pdfs to go thru. Just im done with all of them, i finish the final can. It is exactly 1030pm. I remember that clearly. CLEARLY. 3 CANS OF REDBULL - trust me i remember. WILL THE GUY OUTSIDE PLS SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU DONT HAVE TO SLAM THE PIECES ON THE BOARD WHEN U PLAY CHESS U RETARD!!

As with most of my work exploits, i have tendency to overestimate how difficult a job is. Turns out this presentation is pretty easy to do actually. I finish in about 35min. Exactly.

(By the way, from this point on, do not doubt any numbers i post - i remember them clearly.)

Hehehe...

So suddenly im in a HUGE pile of crap trouble. It's 1030pm. Im done with my work. But the Redbull is fresh in the system. The caffeine is overloading me.

Redbull gives you wings - but it doesnt tell you how to fly.

I am suddenly seized with an urge to clean. I wipe the floor, dust my laptop, clear the aircon filters. I even go to the balcony and feel up all the clothes, just to see if any of them are dry. Of course not, i just washed them at 830pm.

Im so screwed.

I pick up the racquet and begin to shadow swing - in the pitch black, at 1130pm at night. With eyes the size of saucer plates. It doesnt help. After 100 forehand swings, 100 backhand swings, 25 slice swings, 14 serve swings and 18 volley swings, i put the racquet away. Im afraid i will lose my grip and smack myself in the face, leaving me a horrendous mess on the living room floor, and undoubtedly give my (hawt) cousin a lively start to the coming morning.

I change and decide to head for the streets for a walk.

I head out and walk 300m down balestier road before realizing my shirt is on backwards. Awesome.

Another 300m, i feel stupid. Why the hell did i want to walk anyway.

I go back to the apartment. I make some toast. I watch tennis, craig ferguson and the indian wells highlights - all at the same time.

I cant stand it.

I take out all the tennis balls that were wet from the saturday and sunday rain-tennis session and leave them out to dry.

I rearrange my wardrobe - now all my shirts are sorted according to color. Serious.

I clean my shoes. I NEVER CLEAN MY SHOES. But i clean my shoes. They're clean now.

I return to the computer. Nothing to do. Everything is boring as fuck now.

I look at the clock - 3am.

Oh god no... One and half more hours until i finally manage to close my eyes.

The clock rings at 630am. I am a wreck. The experience is like a jackhammer to a clock, my body clock. Thankfully, im not involved in the meeting, and i spend most of the morning in drowsy stupor in the corner of the office.

And it's only TUESDAY.

urgh...

Got called into the boss' office on Monday. Not my usual boss, but the BIG boss - the one back in HQ. Wanted to discuss the future of the project - as if there was any future, and even if there was im sure it would be lathered in the foulest manure you could fathom.

But apparently, life really DOES suck - and that's exactly what's coming for me. An additional 18 months of assignment on site for testing, rectification and maintenance. EIGHTEEN MONTHS.

Goddamnit.

Some might say - GOOD WHAT?! I get to run around the spanking halls of the casino, rub shoulders with ang moh directors and have full access to the site's restricted areas.

Awesome right?

ANY PAY RAISE???

Until that question is answered, we will have to see.

That aside, i have overhauled my workout programme. Used to be stamina and strength were the focus, but im switching to something a bit more speed oriented.

Suddenly craving for a piano.

Oh yeah, elvin's bdae is this weekend - unfortunately the PC fair is also on. Decisions decisions...

A-Level paths...

The A-level results are out, splitting the population into two distinct categories - semi-orgasmic euphoria and post-castration guilt-ridden sorrow.

But this is finally where real choices are made. Arts? Science? Engineering? Business? Law? Medicine? Vigilante? These choices have to be considered, and i remember that during my time, it was a freakin brain fuck.

I almost chose vigilante. Just run off somewhere, stop a heinous robbery or murder and die in the aftermath, sacrificing myself and blah blah blah. Didnt work - turns out the murderer didnt have the balls to kill in the first place... *sigh*...

I narrowed it down into something simpler. A state of mind. What degree does my state of mind most comply with? What comes most naturally??

Of course, i naturally love to talk crap and all - does that mean im arty farty??

Nahz...

Here's what I thought through... and here's my advice to those who are seeking to choose.

I focused my attention on a stone - and let the first thought of relation drift into my mind.

The sciences are exploratory, explanatory and somehow... kind of like a purgatory. They dont really DO much, but they will explain why and what and wherefore. When a scientist looks at a rock, it's a mix of history and theology. What is this rock? What's the mineral composite? What's the chemical properties? Where did it come from? And they will write mountains of essays on it. The scientist is an analyst - a person who turns the abstract into simpler factual statements.

An engineer will look at a rock and think - what can I do with it? I could fashion this rock into a tool for cutting. Is the weight sufficient for use as, say, a hammer? Is the material too brittle? Are there others like this rock? Could I throw it? Is it a proper projectile? A engineer will think of application, not the history, nor the geographical ethics involved in obtaining such a mineral - he will think of the present and the future. He is a solutionist - a problem-solver. His job is to meet demands happen physically.

A businessman will ponder on the econo-financial impact of the rock. How valuable is it? Can it be sold? What are the operations involved in getting this rock in the first place? Will the cost of obtaining this rock outweigh the actual revenue of it? Is it scalable? How can I market it? Who will buy it? Who are we selling it to? Whats the longevity of this rock? Can we improve it? Are there others who have it? The businessman will think of everything that encompasses the rock, and what can make this rock work for him. He doesnt care how it works - that's engineering. He doesnt care why or what this rock is - that's science.

The arts student comes along, sees the rock, and goes "IT'S ALIVE!!" Basically, he "metaphorizes" the rock. He will compare the rock to other objects - immortalizing it in text or words or picture. He will dress up the rock, in lighting, photoshopping and history. The rock will be used as a window to the times and the people involved - like how the AK-47 symbolized the Terrorists. The arts student deals with people - making them see what he/she sees, interpretting for those who cannot interpret on their own. The arts student takes the simple things in life - and makes them abstract.

After going through this, whether correct or not, I settled with Engineering. That's my choice. Im pretty sure that others chose and they chose differently.

To each his own - and to his own he is accountable.

it's a starcraft life...

Dad's back. And suddenly all the machinery at home have begun to work again. Air con units are softer. Water heaters dont run out. Internet doesnt hang (bullshit, it still does).

You know in most role-playing games, there's this one dude in your team who cant fight, cant cast spells, but he's like some sorta techie guy. Just makes your equipment stronger and last longer. He repairs golems and does alchemy and shit and basically just makes sure everything works. The guy usually has an aura around him - "Allies within radius of effect get bonus armor and tech upgrades and shit".

That's dad. Invite him over for tea and suddenly there're no more "birds" on your satellite dish fucking with your ESPN.

The only problem is that techies need $$ to do... whatever it is they do (and do VERY WELL).

I remember tagging along with dad to go to sim lim square once, the sole purpose of which was to STOP him from buying new stuff.

This was at the time when mom was in mental finanial crisis and had managed to get it into my head that we were the poorest families in the world. I was almost convinced that we were SOOO poor at one point and was recycling shit for no reason, until let news that his bonus was in and that he and mom would be going to macau for a holiday. Btw all the money that i've saved up to date from my few years of working - that's approx what my dad got for a bonus. I think. At least it seemed like it did. I'd like to think so - it makes my career goals that much more challenging.

ANYWAY, bonus and lack of money aside, I went with my dad to sim lim at that time, trying desperately to stop him from buying stuff. New motherboard? Nah, we dont need one. New monitor? Ours works just fine. New DVD drive? Nahz, let's wait until it gets cheaper and faster.

Stuff like that. And we left, triumphant in my attempt that we only managed to buy damn thumbdrive.

By the way, it's a Starcraft life. Yeah, it just randomly occured to me.

I always figured that government servants and teachers were like the Protoss - start strong, but that's as good as they get, and progress is expensive with minimal results.

I always thought biz students were like the Terrans. U look at a Terran base and u'd be intimidated. Battlecruisers here, ghosts there, siege tanks all over the place. But actually they're fragile. Resources gone? They'd have to fly away.

And i would like to think that engineers are the Zerg. Starting pay like shit. But it grows and can go quite rapidly if you do ur shit right. Btw, engineers dont really know much. When u see us rub our chins and nod at a machine - here's the truth: WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK THAT THING IS. But we make up for our lack of knowledge with work. Not that other career pple dont work hard, but i'd like to think that engineers work is more repetitive. And that's the Zerg. Pump hydralisks and swarm.

Just my take. And it helped my bros visualize working life better.

Oh yeah, and your boss is a fucking Overlord. Fat useless shit that just flies around slowly, yelling "You require more minerals!" "You require more vespene gas!" "Spawn more overlords!"

(I like to think that the "Spare More Overlords" thing is a nice sarcastic nudge towards the fact that most companies over-hire on management staff (the overlords) while the real workers are always lacking in manpower.)

Eh, whatever. It's a Starcraft life.