compete.

I remember walking out of the NUS SRC with zs and hh on a Sunday evening and we were debating the merits of running. Not just running for leisure, or sport - truth be told, i do my fair share of running at night.

I just found it ridiculous that someone would PAY good money to go and run 42.150km. It's not as if that's a copyrighted distance. You can run that distance ANYTIME u want. No amount of money is ever necessary. Just a pair of shoes, a soft pair of socks, an iron will and an open road.

My argument was: Why run and not win anything, when u can play tennis, run and actually WIN?

The answer was: It's not about winning. It's about a sense of achievement. Self-achievement.

And I put it forth to you. ALL of you : Self-achievement is worth NOTHING if it isnt validated by another.

What sense of accomplishment you feel coursing in your veins is nothing more than an effort on your part to feel special, to self-validate. A self-illusion. A mirror, distorted at your own design. It's like working out in the gym, an empty gym, and posing in the mirror. You may THINK you look good. But the only reason u feel that way, is bcos there's no one to prove you otherwise.

Have you ever stood on one end of a tennis court, or ANY court for that matter, and looked over the net, at your opponent, and realize that he is waaaaaaaaay better than you? He is faster, has a better forehand, more experience... EVERYTHING.

And then imagine now, that you have BEAT him. Now *that* is an achievement. And the feeling that you get when u realize this, dear gawd, it is insurmountable. A newbie beginner, celebrating his first win over an entirely superior opponent, has more achievement in him than all the runners in a Standard Chartered Run.

And just recently, i read a small article on Yahoo. It was, once again, about the influx of foreign talents, and the outcries of the locals. The line that struck a chord with me was that the locals "fear competition".

So I guess that's what it boils down to.

The fear of competition.

I'm always asked the question, "Why're you so competitive?" My typical reply is "I like to win."

But that applies to everyone doesnt it? I mean, EVERYONE likes to win! Who doesnt?

So i guess my honest reply, whenever someone asks "Why're you so competitive?", is a simple "Why not?"

When u finally reach the end of that 6 hr long run, u fall in a heap on the floor, covered in sweat. They shake your hand. You embrace your running partners. They give you shirt, proudly declaring that you RAN, and you MADE IT. U survived. Under the gaze of the hot sun, you bask in the glory shared my hundreds, even THOUSANDS. The thousands who survived. The thousands who made it. And they say "Congratulations."

"Congratulations. You're an ANT."

One of the thousands. One of the millions. Another face in a massive photograph that pple will overlook.

When you beat that one person in the middle of a tennis court. No one is around to witness. No trophies are given out. The only handshake you get is the handshake from a reluctant opponent. No shirt, no laughter, no partnerships. You won. And you are one of two. And no one will ever say "Congratulations."

"Congratulations. You are the better ONE."

However insignificant you may have been, no matter whatever shortcomings in your life - YOU are better than someone else. There is someone below you. You are one of two, and you are the better one. The one who won. And the glory. The glory is SHARED BY NO ONE, except YOU.

It's Communist vs Monarch.

And everyone knows it's good to be the king.

That's why I will never pay to run. I prefer to do what I constantly itch to do. I prefer to kick someone's ass. I prefer to dominate. I prefer to fight. I prefer to lose. I prefer to win.

I prefer to compete.