the birds the birds

Sunday morning is the day for laundry - you let the clothes soak in suds and bubbles overnight before finally turning on the machine in the morning - for a thorough wash. It's the only way, according to mom, that it will rid the clothes of odor - typically referred to as manliness.

Anyway, so i do the laundry and hang it out to dry. A few minutes later, I get out of the room to make some lunch.

I am not prepared for what I see.

A HUGE black bird is perched on the balcony, fiddling with one of my shirts.

When i say HUGE, i mean HUGE. GODZILLA HUGE. I mean, like i thought it was actually an ALBATROSS at first. Then i realized albatrosses are white, and they cant fly so high, and they are no where near as BAD ASS as this bird. This bird is a crow - or a rook. Whatever. It's huge, and its threatening to tear up one of my nikes.

Thus it must die. Preferably thru slow and bloody disembowelment, but i was pretty hungry for lunch so it had to be fast.

I dash over to the balcony, waving a broom. The black bird takes off, circles around, and comes crashing back into the clothes hangers. The fucker was actually trying to ATTACK me.

I retreated for the moment. It was only then did i see what was happening to my shirt. There bits of twigs and shit in it. The DAMN BIRD WAS TRYING TO BUILD A NEST IN MY SHIRT! WTF.

Sorry, big bird, HDB is closed for today.

I take a huge swipe at the... ... SHIRT. I knock a few twigs from it, and the bird starts shrieking like crazy. Next I take a swing at the bird, it takes off, and before it can circle back, i grab the shirt, and dash inside, slamming the glass door shut behind me.

Helpless big-ass bird is now outside and im inside. This is usually the time to make a vicious bad-guy pose and laugh menacingly, except that my cousin was still asleep, so i had to reduce the volume to a sheepish "tee hee hee hee..."

Either way, it felt good.

In case, you were wondering, there were no eggs in the shirt.