tower of babel-estier

Managed to catch the lift on the first floor before the doors closed. The lifts in my place are fucked up - the close WAAAAAAAAAAY too fast, so when i typically "catch" the lift, it means that i just stood there, let the doors smash against my shoulders with a dramatic crash and then then enter.

This happened again, and in typical fashion, the occupants of the lift drew back in terror, like I was the Terminator and I had just destroyed an entire DC police station.

I was already pissed off. Numerous "by tomorrow" emails and lots of finger pointing and unreasonable "should've been yesterday" deadlines already drew me to the point of redline, bording mass societal genoicide extermination.

Seeing 2 people in a lift, and NOT lift a finger to press the "open" button as i was approaching, more or less threw me over the edge.

But it was NOT over.

The fuckers pressed buttons 7 and 14, and hit the 20. This means that we would stop EXACTLY 1/3 and 2/3 the way through - which is FUCKED up already, means that lift would never hit maximum velocity.

The lift stops at Level 2. ONE FLOOR HAD PASSED ONLY!!! ARGH!!! A young lady walks in - she's pretty, but unfortunately she's vietcong and unfortunately, im racist and nationalist and anarchist.

She presses Level 4. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! The young little twig figure couldnt even walk up TWO flights of stairs???!! WTF??!?!?! I feel like setting her hair on FIRE and watching her burn.

We get to level 4, and the uselessly skinny thing leaves.

The lift stops at level 6!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SH*T!!! An elderly grandma gets in holding a HUGE metal pot. It would've been nice if it was full of pasta, or something AROMATIC at least... but NOOOOOOOOO, it was full of HERBS. CONFIRM!! GUARANTEE!! And it was AS BITTER AS AL GORE THE DAY AFTER THE ELECTION RESULTS. I didnt taste it, though, i mean, i didnt even have to.

She presses level 10. Oh gawd...

The lift ride is killing me.

Finally a little silence, but the smell!! ARGH!!

The 2 original imbeciles get off at levels 7 and 14. The grandma silently left at level 10, her pot quivering in her old hands, and making a resounding metal clanking with every step she made. It was HILARIOUS. And no, i wasnt about to help her. I was in TOO bad of a mood. Sorry, no charity for you today.

And JUST as i tot i was finally through the home stretch, the lift stops at level 17. WTF!??

2 half naked thai guys get in - the most fucked up thing i have EVER laid my eyes on. I bet shufan had planned some just for fucking laughs thing, bcos one was so FAT, his belly was covering part of his pants. The other was so THIN, i thought i could see the imprint of his intestines as he breathed.

And they pressed level 19.

Believe it. It happened.

By the time they got out of the lift, with their mouths yapping like piranhas in a Bond film, there was STEAM coming out of my ears.

When I got to level 20. The lift door opened, and standing here was a little child, probably about 6 years old. Wide-eyed wonder with a helmet cut hairstyle, tiny mouth and button nose, dressed in matching green shirt and pants with yellow shoes. His mom was standing a metre away.

I looked down at him and snarled, "MOVE."

He moved alright, all the way back to his mom and hit behind her legs.

Smart kid. He'll turn out just fine.